Wednesday, July 16, 2008


For the past 10 days my life has been very pressurized and stressful. I am trying to conclude a business deal which has dragged on for a couple of months. Added to which I am due to leave the country in a few days to be closer to my girlfriend. And if that wasn't enough there has been some family illness in recent days to heighten anxieties.
Today all the issues came together and I was really feeling the strain. I was tempted to go awol. I was tempted to jump on a plane and go on a massive bender on somewhere very remote island.
While working in the bar last night, I spoke with a couple of customers about The Rolling Stones legend Ronnie Wood. For those of you who are not aware, Ronnie (61) who has always struggled with the booze, has gone awol in Ireland in recent days with a 19 year old Russian. 
That seems like quite a good idea to me right now.
Instead of taking those drastic measures, I went to the gym again - 4 days in a row now - and afterwards popped into a bar where my friend was playing jazz. I had a Lucozade. I got speaking to someone who is actually about to launch a charitable addiction help website. 
There were lots of other people around. But I felt boring, very boring. My craving to be in such an environment has faded, and instead I went home and watched Back To The Future III.


drpearlman said...

Congratulations on your journey. We are on a profoundly spiritual path.
The 'force' is clearly with you!

The "boredom" you're experiencing is not uncommon for recovering alcoholics. As your mind and soul heal, you begin to think with a clearer mind - and there are periods like this, where your earlier interests and conditioning are being withdrawn preparing for 'new growth' and interests on a higher level.

As your time in sobriety increases - the programming of your mind will be changing, for the better, and will continue to do so as you continue down your path. Sometime in the future you will be able to go into a bar - if you have reason to, mostly you will prefer other options to spend your time - or social setting and feel comfortable with yourself.

Well done and thank you for sharing your journey.

PATRICK said...


About 4years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time.

I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staffs were very supportive [I had no control over my process]. I was released from hospital 16th Sep 1994, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified].

I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins.Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing.

I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages [England & Australia]. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17].

Esther said...

AA and the recovery movement has pretty much destroyed my marriage.I'm biding my time.My husband has never been so selfish and self centered.He wont argue about anything,unless hes sure that hes right.He talks to his sponsor more than me.So what the point in going on.He was a zombie when he got out of rehab,hes sort of normal now,but he still acts like an AA clone.He would sit and stare.Hes still on the rehab schedule,he gets up at a rediculous hour of the morning and reads the 24 hours a day brainwashing crap and the as Bill sees it garbage.I'm fed up.Hes no fun at all.I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life like this.He told people at our church that I dont agree with AA,so guess what.I no longer have friends there anymore.I want out.

Sonja said....

Wow! Patrick thank you for visiting my blog....I am amazed at the saving Power of Jesus!!! He indeed has been GOOD to you! Praise the Lord for your deliverance.
I will put your blog on my favorites...You encouraged my soul brother! I am thankful the Lord used you to do it!
I will pray for you that you will walk in the continued FULLNESS of the Holy Spirit!!!!

BloggerGrandparents Corner said...

Patrick, what a testament you have! My mother in law was also an alcoholic and saved by God's grace. AA and the 12 step program didn't help. It was Jesus that picked her up, and she never looked back. She passed away last year and is dearly missed by us and her church family.

Many blessings to you!


♥Shann♥ said...

OH wow hang in there I am really curious to hear how you do... and ps some people are a bit extreme as you can see